I Dropped Anchor So I Could Get the Hell Away

I don't have a job.  The reasons are many, the reasons are one.  The reasons are two:  Our children.  They've completely ruined any chance I had at pursuing personal fulfillment through the glue-lined conduit of cubicle poetics.  My humanity has been crushed by these two, because we have chosen them over the almost certain partial development which is only possible through the near-attainment of insignificant goals.  In short - They aren't letting me underachieve like I should be.

I don't have a job.  BUT I'M STILL USING LINKEDIN.  I'm such a sheep.  Calling myself a Staid At Home Dad at my profile over there.  I've only had one strange reaction to this so far, to the tune of "hey, I think it's really big of you to put away your ego like this."  (When people reveal something important about themselves, they almost never realize it.)  But that reaction was the waffle batter in the unreachable nook of the iron - you'd like to get it out, but it's a real pain.  A few decades later you're proud that you're still using that old contraption, and your waffles are probably better than they've ever been, but there's still something old and dirty burned in there from the early days.  We're here to help.  And I'll say now what I said then:  If I thought that raising my children firsthand meant putting away my ego, then they're better off without me.

There was a post some time ago at the Matt Walsh Blog, concerning the tried and true query to full-time parents of "What do you DO all day?"  It's a hilariously stupid question that he was good enough to spend a lot of words on.  I put down a few of my own at Facebook:

We both work full time. I don't know if that's worse than having one of us quit and stay home with the kids. I don't know who is doing it wrong and doing it right, except that you're doing it wrong if your kids grow up to like the NBA and the Twilight series. Well that's a little harsh. I guess Twilight is ok.

We've discussed it. I could stay home. The loss of my salary vs. daycare savings would be close to a wash, and the kids would have the often questionable benefit of more time with me. I hesitate to say that I don't want to do that, but I do end up saying it. I don't want to do that. I don't want to be a stay at home Dad. The time I do spend with them is crazy enough. Heck, I've thought about homeschooling, and I'd love to think that I would do a good job of guiding them through that. But I know what kind of person I am (pretty lazy), and I think they're getting more out of their days the way we have it now.

I know mom would like to see them more, but we're what was once role-reversed: She works the long hours at the big place, and I cook and clean, etc, waiting with the kids for her to come home. Weekends - man things (that sewer pump was a nasty bit of work last Saturday, but the closet doors have been a nice little project) and as much family time as we can manage.

That's a lot of rambling. There can be worse things for a couple of kids than having two parents who work full-time, and there can be better things for them than having a parent who stays home full time. Whatever you're doing, you gotta make sure you're carving the whole pumpkin carefully and with forethought, otherwise you just wind up with squash.

Clearly, some things have changed.  The care they were getting remained excellent, and we will sing the praises of our wonderful nanny until we can't speak anymore.  It takes a village, after all.  But I realized that we were not very well acquainted with that village, we just dumped them out in it every day and ran off.  Which shines light on a rarely cited sub-clause of the "Takes a Village" proposition.  The sub-clause states that if that village is just a small-scale version of Detroit, it's time to don the riot gear and launch a rescue.

Note, though, that I wasn't worried that anything so bad was going on.  I also had no reason to suspect it would be.  But I didn't know much aside from secondhand reports of what they did that day.  It became clear to me that this was an unacceptable situation.  I am their Father.  I must know.  I will know.  Of course you have to learn first, and I'm getting there.

So yes, I mean no, I don't have a job. Finally I know how much work there is to be done.